Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
