I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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