She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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