is your mom at the bar?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
