There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
