South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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