"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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