i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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