His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
