im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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