I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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