Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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