Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
