hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
