I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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