history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm like, not good at living.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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