I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
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