I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
