Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
