ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
