shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
