Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
