You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Panties = found
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