Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
