Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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