How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
