I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
