im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
