Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
