Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
