a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
