My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
