im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
