All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
