Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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