i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
