google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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