Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
