i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
