It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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