I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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