im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
