My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
