I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
