Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
