it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
