i think my tv is drunk
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
