I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
