my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
