just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
