I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He passed out mid-signature
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
