I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I need moral support for this bender
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
