I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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