I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
