my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.