I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
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I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?