checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
