Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
