She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
