Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize