im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
