Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
