If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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