I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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