there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
