Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
