I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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