hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
