We won't sleep together?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize