and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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