yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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