I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
