He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
