Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
