when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
