i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
